Kitchen Nightmare
by Psychoticbunny
Summary: So this way, L couldn't think off the calories in his coffee with ten sugar cubes, which was intended to keep him awake all night because not only had someone left the refrigerator open all night, but bugs had also invaded their food. L/Light if desired.


The kitchen was its usual spotless self that morning (due to Watari's housewife function), the dishes stacked up neatly, the silverware classified correctly, even all traces of L's cake were disposed of. Perhaps it was because L knew these traces had been erased and felt that a new mess was required to take their place, perhaps it was because it was two thirty A.M. and L considered this coffee-drinking time, or perhaps L just wanted a reason to drag the person chained to him around the house, but no matter what the reason was, L and Light now stood in the innocent-looking kitchen.

"Blueberry or strawberry?" the deadpanned thing inquired. L was a thing because L couldn't exactly be considered human and he couldn't exactly be considered a man, so "thing" happened to be the only other option Light could imagine. This was due to his imagination being lowered immensely after staring at tiny words on a computer screen all day and, occasionally, when L was feeling particularly motivated (sadistic), all night as well. To be honest, Light's brain felt like soggy cereal that had been sitting in milk too long. However he knew that all he'd get in exchange for admitting that was a blank stare, which translated into the middle finger, or something along those lines.

"Huh?" Light was still groggy and wasn't sure if this was some sort of test to see if he was Kira or not.

"For cake. Cheesecake. Would you like blueberry or strawberry?" he replied, shuffling over to the refrigerator.

The other opened his mouth to decline the offer, but instead found himself saying, "Strawberry, then." L sniffed and shot Light a look of suspicion, turning his head almost completely around in an owl-like manner and blinked several times, seeming to analyze the statement. Although the fact that strawberry cheesecake could be used against him was now apparent in his mind, Light was too exhausted to do anything besides develop a mad twitch in his eye. _Not this early_, he begged.

Of course, it was useless and also very naive of Light to believe that L would take mercy on him because of the time. For one thing, L couldn't have slept more than two hours in the last month and still functioned perfectly. As for another, interrogations occurred pretty much 24/7, so there was no big surprise in L announcing more of his stupid, unfounded percentages.

The refrigerator door opened with a muffled 'thunk' followed by an exclamation of, "3.7 percent now!"

Light swiveled around in his chair to discover the source of the ruckus, but before he could see what the problem was, a strange smell invaded his air supply. It was the suffocating stench of rotting food and the man found himself temporarily distracted by a coughing fit due to the sudden disturbance. Before another episode could take him, he peeked inside the refrigerator, for L seemed to be fixated on a certain sight within it.

There were many things L and Light disagreed on. L believed you could think off calories, Light went to the gym every day. L believed coffee should have ten sugar cubes per cup, Light liked his coffee black. L believed staying up all night was reasonable, Light preferred his eight hours of sleep.

Nevertheless, they both agreed on one thing: This was not a start to a good day.

So this way, L couldn't think off the calories in his coffee with ten sugar cubes, which was intended to keep him awake all night because not only had someone left the refrigerator open all night, but bugs had also invaded their food.

L daintily plucked a cockroach that had been devouring a strawberry from its perch, dangling the poor creature in front of his face between his index finger and thumb. It wriggled a bit in his grasp as it was scrutinized by the two emotionless black eyes of its captor. After L's interest in the bug had been worn out, it was squashed between his two fingers with a sickening crunch and then flicked on to Light's shirt in a childish display of L's true nature. The cockroach twitched a bit once it landed, it's bodily fluids spreading across the fabric in record time. Light stared at the disturbance accusingly for several minutes before realizing he'd have to get rid of it himself.

In the meantime, L rooted through the refrigerator, attempting to rescue any untouched pastries. Bugs had pretty much claimed the entire food supply, the worst part being when what seemed like millions of carpenter ants rushed out of the kettle as water was put up for tea. A group of centipedes was located in the sink, where all of them had fell in and were unable to climb back out. L watched them desperately reach for the walls and rush all around the sink, occasionally bumping into each other. This provided him with the fantasy of having the first and second Kira like that, trapped, blind and weakened.

"Well, what now?" Light pondered aloud, breaking L out of his trance. L considered that question. It _was_ two thirty. So he obviously couldn't continue on with his investigation with a lack of proper nutrition (proper nutrition taking on a whole new meaning in L's mind). Dejected, L crawled onto a chair and balanced at the end of it in his traditional thinking position. Without his coffee, it didn't even matter which way L sat because his deductive reasoning would be completely ruined anyway. Although L didn't like it, it was clear there was only one solution to the current predicament.

"We're going to the diner," he revealed, glaring bitterly at some sort of beetle merrily working its way through a muffin.

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Yeah, random crap fun thing. If you'd like me to continue please say so. And if you don't know about my policy on reviews, it's at the bottom of the first chapter of PS15. Also, if you are interested in good Death Note fanfiction, as opposed to this atrocity, Mattpuppy writes great MelloxMatt, so if you're interested, please check her out.


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